Divorce is as devastating for the couple as it is for the child. Coping with divorce and cultivating your child’s feelings is of utmost priority if you do not want yourself or the child to blame oneself for it.
It is very common, as written by many therapists, that children tend to take all the blame for whatever is happening in their parent’s life. The fights, divorce, nasty behavior, all affect the child’s mind dragging him/her to believe they are the sole reason why his/her parents want a divorce.
In fact, many counselors claim that most of their adult clients still blame themselves for their parents divorcing. Therefore, a child’s mind is like clay and could be molded easily. As parents, it is our responsibility to help our children cope with the difficulties of divorce calmly.
Coping with Divorce Cultivating Your Child’s Feelings
Choose the Right Words
How do you break the news to your child? One has to be very careful in selecting the right words so that your child doesn’t feel left out or blame him or herself. You may find your child reacting in a negative way, but be patient and hear them vent out their feelings.
It is important for the child as much it is for you, to express whatever they feel. It would help the child to come to terms with the situation gradually. It would be wrong to expect a toddler to behave like an adult. In this situation, parents should remain patient instead of using harsh and rude words in retaliation.
Inculcate Positive Behavior in Your Child
Often, children facing divorce of their parents start staying aloof, change their eating habits and behave in a weird manner. Make sure your child is not one of them.
A child’s mind is incapable of expressing what he or she may be feeling. As a parent, it is your responsibility to see that he/she is behaving normally, eating on time, going to school, finishing homework and doing everything that he/she used to.
Any change in the pattern should be attended to immediately. Sit down with the child, ask about the problems or feelings he/she maybe going through. At times, child may show tantrums, outbursts and mock away. But that does not mean parents can easily shun their responsibilities just because they no longer they decide to stay together.
Reassure your Child that he/she is safe
The biggest fear a child facing his/her parents’ divorce is the feeling of insecurity. What am I going to do without mom/dad? How will face my friends? Am I really responsible for the divorce? How to bring them back? Am I going to be safe? Who will take care of me after divorce?
These are certain questions that run through a child’s innocent mind. Parents should re-assure them that they are safe and going to be loved like before. Why should the child have a negative approach to life just because you could not live with your partner anymore?
Encourage your child to do well in school, be happy and promote a lively environment at home and above all, always be attentive to your child’s feelings.
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