Everyone knows being a mom is never an easy job and being a working mom means not only having to juggle more things but also more conflicting emotions. Only ten percent of full-time working moms and twenty four percent of part-time working moms give themselves the highest rating for their parenting.
So what’s the way of dealing with this stress and guilt of being a working mom without tearing your hair apart all the time whether you’re away from your kids or with them?
Causes of your guilt
You must put your finger down on the source of this guilt. Is it something someone said? Is it because of something you heard or is just a result of your own doubts and manifestations? Being aware of where this guilt of being a working mom stems from and acknowledging it is important as awareness is part of the solution. Whenever the same old feeling takes over realize what’s causing it and soon you will develop your own personal way of coping with it.
Stay away from people who make you feel guilty
Start observing the kind of people who criticize the fact that you are a working mom. It may be your mother-in-law, friend or neighbor who may be working your mind into this guilt. If you can’t avoid them ignore what they have to say about you being a working mom as their view of the world comes from their experiences, fears and shortcomings and you may not know it but you may just be stronger than all of them.
Need to work
When the guilt of being a working mom comes on you often find yourself thinking “what’s the need to work” and this often aggravates the mind. Therefore when you are in a calmer state of mind write down the reasons you need to continue being a working mom and don’t belittle your reasons the next time you feel guilty.
Your reason can be that it’s hard to come by jobs once you have been idle for some time or that you need the money or that you want to be independent or that you need the funds for your retirement. Whatever your reasons for being a working mom is, remember them and be aware that not working would also have its consequences and therefore you need to continue with your job. Remember by being a working mom you are giving your child the idea of a strong, independent woman and that financial security is a must for assuring your child a good future.
Choose a good day care
Making sure your child is at a good day care, one that you trust and are comfortable with will ease out a lot of the pressure. When you know your child is being taken care of the guilt will be reduced. And don’t worry about people who say that when you are a working mom someone else is raising your kid. If that were true almost all fathers can be held guilty of not raising their children when that is not the case.
Can’t be in two places at once – acknowledge the loss
You know that being a working mom you are bound to miss out on a lot of the things your kids do while growing up. It is all right to be sad about that but do not let it affect the time that you do actually end up spending with them.
Take a break
Sometimes when things are going out of hand take the initiative and stay at home. Time spent with your kids will help you ease the burden. Also, while you are at home imagine yourself as a stay at home as opposed to a working mom and see if that is something you would rather prefer. Once you have weighed the pros and cons your decision will be stronger and there will be lesser of those guilt pangs. Also consider if you would be happier working less as opposed to not at all as this would help you reaffirm your choices as a working mom
Let your kids know the world
It’s good to have your kids spend time with someone else once they are older. Show them a larger world with different caretakers. It makes them aware that it’s not going to only be you and them for the rest of their lives. You being a working mom give them a different perspective as opposed to the isolated world of “Mommy and Me”.
Times change situations change
Always keep in mind that your current situation as a working mom is not going to continue for the rest of your life. Your kids will grow up and so will you and your outlook will change. As they grow they may want more time on their own and giving them that will be better than you intruding on their lives all the time. In such a case it would be better to be a working mom than twiddling your thumbs at home.
There can also be a sudden change in the economic situation and your spouse could be laid off. In that case you being a working mom would be important to the financial security of the family. Once you retire you can always spend time with your grandchildren while your daughter is a working mom.
Stay at homes vs. working moms
Remember that being a good mother to your children does not depend on whether you are a stay at home or a working mom. What matters is the kind of person you are and the kind of relationship you share with your child. If you are a generous, kind, understanding and loving person you will continue being one at home and at work no matter what.
If you are a nagging, scheming, critical and impatient kind of person you may end up doing more damage to your kid as a stay at home and you might as well go to work. There are many people who have difficult relationships with their moms as they are cold and overbearing even though they stayed at home.
So finally you must believe in your inherent personal qualities and know that those are what you will be passing on to your child in your interactions with him/her. Kids are extremely intuitive and can sense much more than you believe they can. Eventually, it’s not about being a working mom and the amount of time you spend with them but the kind of vibes you pass on even in the little time you spend with them, this is the influence you leave behind.
Photo Credit: 365waysprogram.com