In the eyes of an adult all children are the same. But like adults, each child is different. Since they can not be articulate their needs are often not understood by their busy parents. Children however, do communicate their feelings in many other ways. Often we label children as being difficult or stubborn. The fact is that these are ways by which the child sends a loud and clear message that their needs are not being met.
The child may have different needs at different stages of development. There are emotional needs, physical needs, mental and spiritual needs. One needs to recognize the symptoms and signals that the child exhibit through their peculiar behavior. For instance, a child who regularly throws temper tantrums maybe doing so because of the feeling that a younger sibling is the focus of attention of parents. Throwing tantrums is their way of demanding attention.
Some neglected children may exhibit the exact opposite behavior. They may become extremely reserved and withdraw into a shell.This very clearly implies that one cannot apply the same yardstick to handle difficult children. Each child has to be treated according to the nature of his/her behavior. Parenting is a lot about reading the minds of the child correctly.
Showing ample love and affection can melt the hearts of any stubborn child. The emotional feeling of being wanted is quite overwhelming. The child is on the look out for emotional bonding and physical security, because of the very vulnerable nature of their minds. Once they get the firm signal from their parents saying “I am there for you”, then most of their emotional issues simply evaporate.
The simple way to handle a difficult child is acknowledge the problems of the child and respond to their needs. The child need someone to communicate to, in their own ways and language.They have their own stories and fantasies. When their minds are full of such thoughts, they desperately look for someone to communicate to. That someone has to be you.
Pay attention to their gibberish.Talk to them in the language that they like to hear. Give them that feeling of importance, of being wanted. Spend quality time with them.These are simple,basic things which we often neglect to do, because we are driven by our own problems, professional and personal. The books on How to behave with children may help to an extent, but ultimately you have to develop your own methods.
Just a couple of hours spent in playing, listening and bonding with your child can make a marked difference to the quality of their lives. And yours.